Is Your True Essence Hiding?

The challenges we face with others can put us into survival mode. Some of us mask our true feelings to keep peace. We don't show up fully. Some people simply dump their issues on others. Either way is because we don't want to get hurt again. 

The challenges we face should force us to do emotional inventory and look within to examine what’s going on. Stuff comes up because it's time to take care of our soul and heal what's inside.

Unidentified and unspoken pain from needs to be resolved, no longer buried and neglected. The longer we devise ways to ignore the pain in our true identity, the more difficult it is to find out who we are. Remaining in survival mode slowly eats away at our true identity.

Emotional scars reach the deepest essence of who we are. The emotional centers within the brain have no sense of time, so emotions can’t be ignored. The effects from trauma linger, even if we think we’re doing fine. Further emotional neglect eventually causes dis-order in the physical house of our bodies.

For much of my life I tried to earn significance. I didn’t realize I had an underlying belief that I was not as important as others. In survival mode, I made up for my value by working hard in the art of hair design for 25 years and being a rescuer in an abusive and heartbreaking marriage. I finally came to the end of myself wondering; what have I done wrong to deserve this heartache and burnout? At 38 years old, I learned that significance is not about what I can do to earn love, but it was more about whose eyes I am significant in. I became free to be me because my new reality was that I belonged to Someone whose love is perfect and I was worth His love. My pain finally met the very Redeemer of it.

 Surely you desire truth in the innermost being; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Psalm 51:6

We were all worthy to be loved perfectly, but imperfect parents in a world of partial truths, people can’t give what they themselves don’t have. As children, we can become an extension of the incomplete parent which is what happened in my case, with both parents. Sadly, it took many years for me to discover true significance that changed my thinking for good. It happened when my essence was revived back to life through a new truth that my value was worth dying for. Sacrificial love was not something I knew on the receiving end. Wow, talk about awakening!!

We can’t live fully without relationships. Unhealthy relationships make us feel violated. Healthy relationships make us feel validated. We receive from them, and we give because of them. It's how the truth of our worthiness is made manifest. Nothing beats being loved and known for who we really are. 

People in need of love may take from others or give too much to others, falling into either of these dysfunctions:
1. Takers manipulate others, causing their givers to serve them. Takers are emotional identity thieves. They are like young children, trying to get their way.
2. Givers often find a measure of significance when they are needed. Those who give too much also have unmet needs of childhood of not feeling valued.

Human love is imperfect, not all-knowing. They may contain partial-truths in their own perception of love and identity. There are partial-truths in Religion, Government, Philosophy and Education, but nothing brings Divine love to life until you experience a relationship with very Author of Perfect Love. He's the only One who know everything about you! Wisdom and Perfect love adds fullness, where information and institution will always leave us partial. Information is different than transformation.

Your emotional centers in your brain don’t recognize time, but they do recognize significance. When you allow your very essence to be touched by Perfect love, you’ll know the truth, which sets you free to be you. The spiritual brings to life what your natural being was deprived of.

And so it is written: The first man Adam was made a living soul, the last man was made a quickening Spirit. 1 Corinthians 15:45 KJV

Jesus is referred to as the last Adam. His sacrificial love, still present in Spirit today, restores your significance to God. Do you realize what that means? Satan tried to nullify Jesus’s true identity by using selfish pride and arrogance to put Jesus in the grave. In the same way he uses people to nullify your identity. He’ll try to put you in the grave before you realize your identity too. Jesus proved that His true identity and significance could not be hidden, because He knew to Whom He belonged. You can have this full assurance inside of you!

We have significance when we know to whom we belong. Don’t let the selfish pride of mankind keep you from realizing that you can be God’s chosen and adopted child. Let the true Shepherd quicken and foster your soul into significance. Come out of hiding, be loved and live the real you in fullness!

If you would like help on your journey to significance, I’d be happy to come alongside you. For more about me, and my services, visit: http://www.recoveredessence.com/home.html

© Christine Wilson Is Your True Significance Hiding? 2016

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christine Wilson with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Is it Love or Trouble?

Love is so much more than feelings of attraction and a well-meaning commitment in marriage. Most people have great intentions but don't realize that life will bring them some real challenges. Your future spouse may appear to have it together but emotional and spiritual stamina takes some depth of character.  Keep in mind, just like yourself, nobody is perfect. You may have a gem that has great potential if you are a healthy spouse. 

After the honeymoon is over, difficult times require vulnerable yet respectful communication and selfless listening. A lifelong commitment is a great opportunity for personal development and inner healing. But for people raised with little emotional nurture and healthy expression, deeper levels of healthy intimacy pose a threat. Moving past the unknown can be the crucible of whether a marriage begins to fail or grows stronger.

The Trust Foundation

The foundation of all relationships is built on a level of trust, which is different for all of us. We each trust in what we think is love, often relative to our family dynamics and how we’ve experienced them. Some were emotionally neglected and abused children, yet define love in the measure they are familiar with. To make up for that, they may seek affirmation in things they do in an attempt to make up for being celebrated for who they are. Doing instead of being is the beginning of dissociation from the true self and your spouse. You both have to be real with yourself and one another.

The Fear Foundation

 What are some beginning signs of emotional separation? Let's say you gently bring up a concern of something you've observed. You may be faced with defensiveness, denial and blame which can make you feel hopeless and even crazy. The way some people cope with their inner conflict is to become more self-focused as they remain as a child in need of emotional nurture. Their inner self is emotionally immature. They can't give what they haven't experienced from the heart. In order to meet this inner need or protect themselves from further emotional stress, they may start to self-medicate, become addicted to substances, habits or even admirable distractions.

If these are signs already, they need some inner healing. Note: You are called to be a spouse, not a parent or therapist or the Holy Spirit!!

There are those that hide in a false persona to keep people from knowing their delicate inner self. You may have overlooked the signs of a more chronic case of self-focus. Socially they may depend on performance, they can become chameleonic, be very charming at first with actions, yet they have little to give authentically from their heart. Before you know it, they become emotionally distant. You feel alienated. They are more concerned about their image and not really concerned about your feelings. Check into the signs of narcissism. If you are not equipped to manage this kind well, you may be at the verge of losing your identity, your possessions and your mind.

If you are choosing to move forward or are in relationship with a person with narcissistic symptoms, it helps to get informed about what's going on with them. Fear of healthy emotional intimacy has caused them to abandon their core essence to survive in whatever method their ego wants to portray.  Their own wounded child remains as emotionally immature as it was left in from childhood. Psychology calls this arrested development. Their true core identity isn't yet willing to trust another deeply, so they remain in full control with their ego self. Deep down they fear vulnerability, so they may not connect with you on levels you desire. It's uncharted territory for them. It's as if they are a partial person. They need to experience the perfect love of God to become whole.

...but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:10-11 NIV. 

Arrested emotional development is the result of shutting down the true self for survival sake, (in my words). Self-abandonment is similar. The real person is stunted but the ego self portrays a false identity. It’s like they become a partial person. We all do this at times, but the longer a brain functions this way, the harder it is to change these patterns. The brain begins to believe its own lies to avoid exposure. Their self- abandoned child has not yet learned to share their life with another at that level. This is a sad and lonely place for the one who wants to connect with them. You will need to use boundaries for them to learn empathy. Apart from a divine encounter, some are incapable of this, but can learn skills that make them easier to live with. 

The Love Foundation

All of us can be ourselves in an environment of safety and love. We then allow our spirit, soul and body to come into agreement without internal conflict. We can then be authentic, secure and more complete. We are able to connect without the threat of losing ourselves to another person’s control. We can then be vulnerable enough to explore uncharted experiences as a couple on an exciting adventure. If two people have this, just imagine how together you could make a greater difference.

 Before entering a life-long commitment in marriage, be sure to know your significance and discover who you really are through God's perfect love. He completes us in a way that no human can because "perfect love removes all fear." (1 John 4:18)

If you would like help with your relational or personal journey, I’d be happy to come alongside you. I myself have walked this road and share it in my book. For more about me and my services, visit: http://www.recoveredessence.com/home.html

© Christine Wilson Is it Love or Trouble? 2016

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christine Wilson with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.